So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
