Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize