I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
