...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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