Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
