thus making me awesome and them whores
She announced her abortion via fbk
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
