Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
