i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
