I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
