Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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