Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
