Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
