im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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