I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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