Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
