No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
