yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize