I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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