ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
