there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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