I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
