google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
