you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
