I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
