Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
