I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
