my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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