My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
