The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
