Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
