Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
dude. I can hear the air.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
