I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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