oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
