Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
