Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
