she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
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