come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
