I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he shaved USA in his pubs
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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