You can't special order awesome
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
