I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
