It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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