Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
