Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
