She said her name was "party"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
