have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
