to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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