I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
barbara walters just said penis...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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