I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
