I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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