**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
