My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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