meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
