with your own penis?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
