if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
