Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm really busy with my period
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