overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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