Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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