sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
