can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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