she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize