hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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