I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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