Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
