She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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