Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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