chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
They are going to name an STD after you.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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