Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
