I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm passing your future prison.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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