wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
