does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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