I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
