I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
