i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
