fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Randomize
