You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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