Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
