i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
