yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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