He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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