cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
