Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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