i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Watching her eat just hurts me
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
