One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
